HOW IT FEELS

Failure is one of the things we fear most in life.

Harm to our children is perhaps our greatest fear.

Divorce feels terrible, because it combines both.

COPING

Put together your team and your support.

You have friends and family. Talk to them when you need to.

Professional counselors help. They give you information, and they listen.

Clergy. If you are a religious person, your pastor, priest, or spiritual leader is important.

Attorney. We will assist you with the legal issues, so you can deal with everything else.

SAFETY–AVOIDING DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

The principle behind an order of protection is that by keeping the parties apart, the risk of violent, disorderly, or illegal acts is reduced. This protects both parties in a divorce or paternity matter; it protects both men and women, and it protects children from being exposed to violence.

The principle applies even without an order of protection. Get help early. Seek support from friends and family, and seek counseling and legal guidance. Stay away from the other party to avoid illegal or harmful behavior.

Expressing your pain to your spouse while you are angry is exactly the wrong kind of therapy, and is the root of domestic violence. The solution is not to be around them when you are stressed. You can express your pain and anger to friends, family, counselors, clergy, and attorneys, but not to your children, and not to your spouse.

If you feel like making death threats to your spouse, don’t. If you say horrible things, and then call me afterwords, I’ll still help you move forward, but it is far better to seek help first and don’t say them at all. The point is, separate yourself from the situation before you start saying or doing things in anger, and contact your support group, or an attorney.

The misdemeanor crimes we frequently see are threatening, assault, disorderly conduct, criminal damage, and blocking the other parties way when they are trying to leave. These crimes are common in divorce cases, and are committed by both men and women. In all of these situations, the answer is to avoid the conduct, separate yourself from the situation, and seek guidance and assistance. Go tell a friend or counselor how much pain you are in, don’t tell your spouse.

Pain is the cause of the anger that drives us to say or do things that are wrong or even criminal, including telling your spouse in the foulest possible language the things about them that bother you the most.

SETTLEMENT

If things are done right, mediation, negotiation, and settlement can be constructive and helpful, and can speed up resolution and lessen the pain. The key is to prevent arguing and contention during discussion. At Hawkins & Hawkins, we facilitate positive communication and settlement.

HEALING

The emotions during the initial weeks and months of the divorce process are intense. There is anger, and sometimes hatred, towards your spouse. There are feelings of failure. There is fear and anxiety. We understand this, and we have years of combined experience assisting clients in difficult circumstances. With the help of your team of support, including an attorney, you will feel better, and the process will be easier.